The Programme Caused a Churning in Me – Part I
(Ms Kalpana Dabral (Patil) Writes after returning from a ‘Heart of Effective Leadership’ programme at Asia Plateau)
During the entire program and in every session there was a continuous churning happening within me. It’s not because I am an emotional person and became more emotional there. No not at all! I was seeing life from a different angle which I had never seen before, in fact I felt quite strong after it. During the session and quiet time there I had already decided about the correction which I had to do after reaching home.
In all those sessions, a name which was repeating quite frequently in my list was of my co-sister (my brothers in law’s wife). During the self-analysis, I realized that she is the one who has hurt me the most and in turn I also did the same. There was a time I had decided that I will never forgive her and that will be the biggest punishment to her in life. Now there was a time to come out of this pain and go beyond this. During the session I realized that if I don’t come out of this pain, it will become non-healing ulcers which will keep giving me pain for life and I wanted to get rid of it.
She stays one building away and visits our house almost daily. I was struggling how to convey to her that I have forgiven her for all her unwelcome deeds and I too I was repenting for being equally bad to her. I wanted to say sorry to her. I did that in my hearts but telling her was necessary. During this time I happened to talk to one of the IofC Volunteers. He understood my challenge and suggested me to write a letter to her because I told him that I don’t even want to talk to her or see her face. I purchased two inland letters but kept it with me for 4 days. One day when he asked me whether I wrote the letter, my answer was negative. He said this is a must and I will have to do it.
After thinking for a long time I gathered all my guts together and started writing to her. I mentioned all the good times that I spent with her and also how proud I was of our relationships. Lastly I mentioned that I have forgiven her for all the wrong things happened between us and also apologised and asked for forgiveness for whatever I would have done with her. In spite of sealing envelopes I kept it with me for 2 days and finally posted it. Volunteer from IofC was the biggest factor who kept encouraging me the whole time. I knew that within three days she would receive the same and waiting for the consequences. Finally one week passed and nothing happened.
I thought all my efforts have gone in vain. On a holiday she was on a regular visit to our house; we were both sitting in living room, I was watching her, she was looking happy. Although I wanted to ask her about the letter but fearing a cold response I did not. Later seeing me alone in the kitchen as I was making tea for her she came in and hugged me from behind and started crying. I too hugged her; then she told me she had got my letter and that she too wanted to mend this broken relationship but did not know how! “sare gile shikve ansuon main dhool gaye”
After this, during my ‘Quiet Times’ at home, many such occasions started coming to my mind which I felt were necessary to correct. I had behaved very rudely with a friend to teach her a lesson as she had hurt me. I wrote her a letter though she stayed just a floor above me.
I also talked to my husband and apologised for an event when I had gone to police station and complained against him for a clash between us. Since no good thought were coming to mind, I thought there might be some more things which I needed to correct hence I was focusing only on the events which were black events in my life. And then I realised that I still had to go a long way. There is still a dark side left which needs to be visited and a candle of light needs to be lit there as well.