The Programme Caused a Churning in Me – Part II
The Change Continues.
There was something at my office needing correction. I had a colleague who was at the same level as me. Being in corporate office, he always would seek my advice on many issues and he had to follow the guidelines I gave. After some years he left and joined another company only to return later to my company as my reporting manager. This made me envious of him and created a kind of rivalry in my mind. Admitting this to him could put my job at risk and could have ruined my career.
I took the risk and I sent him a short message through SMS telling him the truth and apologizing. My heart was uncontrollably pounding with fear until I received his reply which said, “ Dear Kalpana, the good thing is that I never noticed it…what is even better is that you are candid enough to admit it. It speaks highly about your inner self!” I have still saved this message and always read it when I feel low. This message gives me a lot of strength and courage to continue walking on the path of truth and removing ill feelings from within.
During this time I also remembered an event of my childhood where I had gone to a Saree sale and since the shop was crowded and no one to notice me, I had quietly slipped one saree in my bag. This thought now started bugging me. In another incidence I had poked a sharp object on my brother’s hand in childhood since he was not studying on that day. There was a friend who was in Germany, I broke friendship with him because I thought he was trying to over impose himself on me in friendly relation.
I didn’t know how to correct all these. Whenever in dilemma I went to IofC again and discussed this with volunteer friend and he always helped me as a guide. For the Saree he said in case the shop is still there pay for it, else donate a saree to a needy. I mentioned this mistake while donating a Saree to a poor lady in a temple near my house. I apologized to my brother feeling his pain what he would have under gone that time. I wrote a SMS to that friend to whom I had spoken rudely. During this correction phase, for some corrections I got a very positive response while in few I did not get a response at all. However I believe I have done my part and the rest is to the Almighty. After all these steps I am feeling very positive and ‘awakened’.
Writing poems is my hobby which I had stopped in the last 6-7 years. After these corrections in my life I could start it again and within a few days I could write 3 poems which I had left half way. I have also kept in touch with the friends I made in the HEL programme.
There are Changes which I am not able to see but people have noticed it in me. I attended a wedding last week in Dehradun, in my native place, people called me and said that I left a long lasting impression on them through my behavior. Earlier bitter relationships have now become normal. I no longer have any fear to face a person I had earlier hated or resented. In fact I wonder how much love and happiness I had missed in life by not taking these steps earlier; I would be the richest person in the World. It feels as if I love the whole world and entire world loves me.
I thank IofC, volunteers Himanshu Bharat and Parag Shah for their persistence and grateful to my organization which sent me to the programme and gave me the opportunity to look inside myself and take the black part out and brighten the part which I feel now I have become –my real self.